Chapter 13
Sienna:
The Infirmary was oddly quiet today.
The only sound that I heard throughout the whole day was the rustling of the nurses in the hallway.
The dim glow of the bed side lamp beside me cast the shaft shadow across the room, making this space feel even more isolated. Technically, most likely because it was most likely because I was here alone throughout the whole day.
It wasn’t only the fact that I was here alone, though. It was the fact that I knew that I was not wanted here, it was the fact that I seemed to have turned something that shouldn’t have been shifted the way it was.
I sat on th
the bed, Isla cradled in my arms. My baby. My little girl. The little Angel that I held on to.
I still could not believe that she was here, that she was born, that she was in my arms. However, the more I looked at her, the more I found myself smiling. The more I found myself growing a lot more assured by the fact that I knew that I did this one way or the other. Despite all the hardships, I managed to give birth to her.
She was so tiny, her fingers barely curled into a fist, her dark lashes resting against her delicate cheeks. I ran my fingertip lightly over her soft skin, marveling at how fragile she was. A warmth spread through my chest, different from anything I had ever felt
before.
And I knew that she was still growing older. I knew that with every passing moment, with every passing breath, she was growing stronger. She was a premature. She should have been in an incubator. But I also knew this. He was here for her. I was her mother, and if she was going to grow stronger, I was going to need to stand by her side. I was going to need to be the strongest of them all for me to be able to manage her, for me to be able to raise her up the way that she should be.
For the first time, I let myself really look at her. I allowed myself to admire her beauty.
Not as the baby that had turned my life upside down. Not as the mistake that I wanted to get rid of, the mistake that they all
wanted me to see.
Not a
as a burden I was too weak to carry. Not as the pain that I was forced to endure as I was afraid to end up being a bad person
towards her.
But as my daughter. As the person that I was going to be willing to be to fight for her, I allowed myself to see her as my child, the one person that I knew that I would fight the world for, just to make sure that she grew happy and healthy, safe and sound.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whispered, shifting her slightly as she stirred against my chest. “I don’t even know how to hold you properly. But I’m doing my best. This is the way that they told me that I would hold you, but sometimes they just fear holding you in the wrong way.”
Isla let out a tiny whimper before settling back into sleep, her lips parting slightly. A small chuckle slipped past my lips as I wiped
away a stray tear.
1/2
+15 Bonus
“You probably think I’m a mess, huh?” I murmured, tracing a fingertip along her tiny hand. “You wouldn’t be wrong. Your mother does not know how to handle a child. This is the first time that I did. I did see them a few times within the park, but I just kept my distance. I never bothered holding any of them, especially at such a young age.”
I exhaled softly, shifting my body to lean against the pillows. The exhaustion was bone–deep, but somehow, looking at her, it didn’t feel so suffocating anymore. I adjusted the blanket wrapped around her, my fingers brushing against her soft curls.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered. “Did you know that? And I know that you’re strong too, and when you grow older, you’re going to be very smart, very beautiful, and everyone is going to bow in your presence.”
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